I recommend that you watch the video above all the way through and then read this article carefully and slowly to the end.
Reinforcing your knowledge will greatly help you get back with your ex girlfriend or separated spouse.
When people ask me about the no contact rule and women, they’ll often accompany that question by saying, “I heard that women just move on if you use no contact on them.”
I’ve also heard, “no contact does not work on women because once they lose respect for a man it’s just gone.”
I’ve heard other theories on the effectiveness of the no contact rule when used on a woman.
After I did a post entitled, “Does no contact work on men,” a firestorm of emails and YouTube comments ensued requesting a post on the question as it relates to females.
Many times these requests were prefaced by saying, “I heard that no contact doesn’t work on women because…”
Often times, another relationship coach would be cited as claiming women were immune.
What’s interesting is that usually the other person cited as an authority in the area of relationships and breakups would only offer videos and an informational product for sell on their website.
These coaches do not actually coach people by phone or in person.
Where did their information come from you might ask?
I can’t tell you that for sure because though I do interact with some other relationship coaches and even other breakup coaches, I don’t ask them much about where they obtain their information.
They know where I get mine.
I’ve been in the relationship-recovery service for nearly twenty years.
Though I study and read to always push and expand my knowledge on the subject, working closely with PhD researchers and other experts, I base a large amount of my coaching on my own professional observation.
That is, I don’t just tell you what I think sounds good or what is trendy.
I tell you what I actually SEE work in real lives.
The trend a couple of years ago was to say that no contact didn’t work on men because men weren’t as emotional or didn’t need as much communication as women.
So rather than go with what some coach says who just makes his money by YouTube videos and selling info products on his website, I suggest going with someone who actually is in the trenches of real life.
I work with people – both men and women – and the information I have gained (and continue to gain) from professional observation is far more reliable than trendy theories that get lots of video views.
Sure, I want video views and I get a lot of them (you can follow my YouTube Channel), but I can’t crank them out as quickly as some people because I’m busy being on the phone with people who are in real-world breakups.
I can tell you from that experience that no contact works on women.
It simply does.
Literally, not a single day goes by that I don’t get an email from men telling me that no contact worked to get their girlfriend back.
One guy even booked his third coaching call with me and told me that no contact had worked to get his girlfriend back. He then thanked me for encouraging him to stick with it and said, “So I just wanted to tell you and as my way of saying thanks, I’m going to get off the phone now and let you take the next twenty-seven minutes off.”
So this is not theory for me.
I’m not your mom or your buddy telling you to do something that I think sounds good.
I don’t experiment with your life.
This is serious stuff and of all people, I get it.
Why Does No Contact Work On Women?
No contact works on women for the same reason it works on men, in that it ushers the person who broke up with you into the mental and emotional stages that follow a breakup if you give them the breakup instead of begging or contacting them with requests to stay in the relationship. If you leave them alone to reflect and experience your absence, the odds are good that she will become curious.
As this curiosity creates preoccupation and, often social media stalking, she will move into the stage of concern.
This is the stage of no contact in which the odds are best that she will reach out to you.
All of this revolves around concern and fear of loss.
She learns how she really feels about you when she comes to the realization that she had better be sure about this breakup because she could lose you for good.
That’s where all it takes is a little bit of doubt.
At that point, you absence puts a magnifying glass on it.
Does No Contact Work Quickly On Women?
The no contact rule is not about speed – even though it is the fastest way to get your ex girlfriend back out there.
The way that it works is more like baking a cake.
As a boy, when my mom would start baking a cake, I would often become frustrated from smelling the deliciousness in the air but knowing it would be a while before the cake would be ready.
I once asked her why she couldn’t just turn up the heat twice as hot so that the cake could cook twice as fast.
She explained to me that it didn’t work that way.
In fact, the cake would actually burn if that was done!
No contact on women works the same way (as it does on men).
Time itself is part of the equation.
She needs to be scrolling through her phone and come to the shocking realization that it has been a month (or more) since she has heard from you.
She needs to note the number of days and there is something about a full month (or months) that really registers.
That is when she can truly be faced with the seriousness of her actions and the breakup itself.
This is when it often hits her that this is not a game.
That she could lose you forever!
Again, it’s that fear of loss that works on women.
It works on men too.
It “works” on human beings.
Will No Contact Get Your Girlfriend Back?
As of the day of this writing, four clients have emailed me so far with the great news that their girlfriend texted them after no contact.
Does no contact work on every women?
Surely you know that that is not possible.
Can you name anything that works every time?
I know the panic and pain that you feel from your girlfriend breaking up with you and I’m very sorry it has happened.
I wish I could tell you that no contact works every single time to get a girlfriend back.
I can’t tell you that in good conscience.
I can, however, tell you that it works most of the time.
I know you want me to say a percentage of the time that it works.
In my experience it works somewhere around seventy percent of the time generally speaking.
If other factors exist that help the situation, like certain relationship-quality factors, that percentage (or likelihood) can go up even higher in percentage chance.
Focus On You And Not Her
Remember, while the no contact rule works on women and gives you the best chance of getting your girlfriend back, it is also to make you stronger and to keep your dignity intact.
It is intended to help turn your focus inwardly.
No contact works on women but also teaches you that you are the only constant person in your life.
It teaches you that life can throw you situations that you don’t see coming and that you can endure more than you think.
Hang out with your buddies.
If one or more of your buddies is a good listener, emotionally supportive, and DOES NOT have interaction with your ex, it’s fine to confide in him some.
Do not ask your friend to talk with her.
She will suspect you put him up to it and he could accidentally say the wrong things that end up hurting you.
Don’t try to take shortcuts. They don’t work.
Remember the cake in the oven.
Only talk to your friends about it some, because if you overdo it, your friends won’t want to be around you and because you harm yourself by wallowing in it and continually talking about it.
Fake it until you make it.
Fake having fun and you will actually start to have fun. Just the motions of it can get you there.
No contact helps you get your girlfriend back but it also helps you heal.
It will get easier.
Be patient with yourself and be strong.
If you have not yet watched the video at the top of this post yet, scroll back up and watch it all the way through for more details on this topic.