In an effort to get your ex back, you applied the no contact rule. It wasn’t easy.
There were times when you did not think you could stop yourself from reaching out to your ex. But hopefully, you did not contact them.
You showed composure, confidence, class, and dignity. Though the articles on this website assured you that the odds were in your favor that your ex would contact you, it still seemed like a fairy tale.
Then one day, your phone vibrated.
You picked it up and it was a message from your ex! You knew that how you responded to your ex in this situation was important. Your ex has texted you, should you text back?
Answering that question is the purpose of this article.
I want you to know what to do and what not to do when your ex contacts you during your application of the no contact rule.
How To Respond To An Ex Contacting You
The first thing that you need to understand is that you can’t just pick up where you left off.
It would seem that you would be able to use the history that the two of you have to your advantage.
While that will be the case at some point in the near future, it is not the case yet.
As I tell my coaching clients, it’s kind of like an old trail through a wooded area.
As you walk that trail you will find that thorns have grown over parts of it and trees have fallen down over the path.
You have to forge a new trail to your loved one’s heart.
Because the two of you are different and the relationship is different as well.
The relationship has now seen a time of separation and hurt feelings. It is different in complex and in simple ways.
That’s not necessarily a bad thing!
You don’t want the relationship back that you had because it led to a breakup!
You want a new relationship that still has many of the same elements from the previous one but that is on a stronger foundation and can last.
You will also be starting from a different point.
It won’t be as far back as the first date, but you should think of it as a date that you two had when you were still getting to know each other.
But we are getting ahead of ourselves.
What Is Breadcrumbing?
Breadcrumbing is when your ex reaches out to you but doesn’t directly say that he/she wants to get back together with you.
In this way, they are taking minimal risk but likely hoping that you will stick your neck out and express desire to get back together with them.
So when your ex reaches out with casual or even flirtatious texts, these are breadcrumbs (or bread crumbs) that they hope will leave a trail that you will follow to the endpoint of you being the one to say that you want to get back together with them or make the first move.
Some people believe that your ex must directly state that they want to get back together or you should not participate in the conversation.
This is usually not the case if you want your ex back.
I will get into that more in this article but I can tell you that breadcrumbing is not a bad thing if you want your ex back.
So what do you say when your ex contacts you during no contact (or after no contact)?
It depends on what they say and if your ex keeps texting you, but in general you should respond to an ex boyfriend or girlfriend’s text by being happy and lighthearted.
They should feel like you are enjoying life and don’t have hard feelings towards them.
In fact, you should respond to your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend’s text by seeming like you aren’t thinking that they are contacting you to get back together with you.
It should seem that such an idea is not on your mind and that you have most certainly not been sitting around waiting on them to contact you.
See where they are headed with what they say.
When Your Ex Texts You
My ex texted me, should I text back? Or should I ignore my ex?
Or maybe you are saying, “My ex keeps texting me, what should I do?”
Keep in mind that many people in your shoes wish that they were experiencing that.
The very fact that your ex has reached out to you (texts, emails, snaps, or calls) probably means that your no contact has been able to make your ex miss you and they are interested in getting back together – at least to some degree.
Assume that your ex wants to see you.
When your ex texts you about getting together (even if it’s something casual), respond with something polite and casual like, “Sure, it’d be fun to catch up.”
What To Do When An Ex Contacts You
Do NOT tell them how happy you are that they want to get back together.
Even if they definitely do want that, you must remain poised for the time being.
If they aren’t sure and you start celebrating, you’ll just look pathetic.
If your ex doesn’t suggest getting together when they contact you, it could be because they just don’t have the guts and are not sure how you will respond.
It’s okay to take the initiative if you stay casual.
You can text something like, “We should get together and catch up, when are you free?”
Or, if the conversation is going especially well, you could text, “I’d like to see you, when are you free to get together?”
This is what you wanted, so you need to reach out and take it!
If your ex is contacting you during no contact, the odds are extremely high that they want to see you and are thinking they want to get back together with you if you will have them.
When You Meet Up With Your Ex
That first meeting after no contact is important. When you meet up with them, keep things casual, let them be the one to come to you just as you have been doing during no contact.
After all, they broke up with you.
They did the leaving.
Therefore it is your ex who needs to move toward you since they were the one who pulled away.
That’s not being petty, that’s how things should happen for the best of the relationship.
If you chase, even if you are able to get back together with this person, there will be an imbalance that could doom the relationship.
Don’t underestimate it.
Assuming the two of you have a good first meet up after no contact, and if you keep it casual, playful and light, then you need to take things slowly moving forward.
It’s not healthy to just jump back into the relationship head first even though that might be what it feels like you want in the moment.
Think of the long-term health of the relationship and allow things to move slowly.
Be careful about saying affectionate things too soon and take your time defining the relationship again (these things must be “re-earned,” so to speak or else you demonstrate low value to your ex).
Let things happen naturally and don’t be in a hurry to label things.
Have fun together and take things one day at a time.